Talk Safe - Counselling

Being a part of a couple isn't always easy. Communicating or dealing with strong feelings can be tough. Here are some things that couples often say:

"I'm afraid of asking if he is HIV-positive."

"I need to be close to him. But, sometimes I worry about the chances we’re taking."

"I took my chances and assumed he was negative. Now, I found out he’s positive."

Being a gay or bisexual men in 2008 can be challenging. Here are some things that men often say:

"I give myself grief about not protecting myself."

"I get high and do risky stuff."

"I sometimes feel pressured to do risky sex stuff."

"I’ve taken chances I regretted the next morning."

"I didn’t want to turn him off by talking about our HIV status."

Perhaps you have been thinking about coming to counseling or someone has suggested counseling to you. Perhaps you have already decided to seek counseling, but you’re not sure what to expect. This sheet is designed to answer some basic questions you might have about the counseling process in general.

What is counseling? How is it different from just talking to my friends, family or other people I know?

Counseling takes place in the context of a helping relationship in which the counselor and the client work together to resolve a problem, change behavior or foster personal growth and awareness.

Although you may have a number of helping relationships with friends, family, spiritual leaders or other significant people, the counseling relationship is different in a number of ways:

* The counseling relationship is not reciprocal. Your counselor’s job is to focus on YOUR concerns and to offer you support and encouragement. This is YOUR time to focus on yourself.

* Counselors are professionals, graduate students in Psychology, and trained peer counselors.

* The counseling relationship is confidential. Whereas with your friends or family, you might hope they will respect your privacy, your counselor is ethically bound by confidentiality. However, you should know that sometimes counselors consult with their clinical supervisors and other counselors. Also, if you pose an immediate danger to yourself or others, your counselor is mandated to notify a responsible party.

* You can depend on your counselor to meet you at your set appointment times.

What type of counseling is provided?

Most counselling programs provide individual, couples and group counseling to HIV negative men who have sex with men.

The goal is to provide emotional support, to facilitate insight and to guide clients as they explore their individual experiences and concerns regarding their sexual behavior and other related life issues.

Are there any risks involved in the counseling process?

Although the benefits of engaging in the counseling process have been empirically supported, you should know that there may be some risks, as well. For example, sometimes people feel worse before they feel better. This is because, at times, painful feelings emerge that must be worked through and resolved. Sometimes these feelings and issues that arise may become distracting. If your feelings become too painful and distracting, you should let your counselor know and talk it over with him or her.

What if I don’t think that counseling is helping me or I don’t “click” with my counselor?

The counseling process is based on creating a therapeutic relationship between the counselor and the client. Just as it takes time to “get to know” someone, it takes a few sessions to become comfortable with your counselor, and to build a level of trust and understanding within the relationship. Therefore, it is often wise to try it for 3 or 4 sessions before you decide whether or not to continue.

However, after a few sessions, if you continue to feel that counseling is not helping, or that you are not able to make a comfortable connection with your counselor, there are steps you can take. You can speak openly and candidly with your counselor about your concerns. Often counselors can adjust their approach or, in some cases, they can refer you to another counselor.